Friday, August 27, 2010

dont be a little boy about it.

recently i stumbled apon another blog. the blog belonged to someone i was friends with a long time ago, before they became infatuated with a girl and decided our friendship got in the way of that. what was disturbing to me about this blog was the extremely neurotic egotistic sexist stories in it. i cannot comprehend how someone i once thought of as an extraordinary person is actually such a loser.

to clarify, gentlemen, when a woman ends a relationship, especially a long heartfelt and emotional one, we are entitled to momentary lapses of sanity. we are allowed to be heartbroken or annoyed or upset. the one thing most guys seem to bloody forget is that we are still human. actually, we are woman. we are powerful, emotional and intense individuals. we arent problems or annoying little nuances one can simply be rid of. deal with it.

so to this person, in the unlikely chance you ever stumble across my blog i have nought but this simple message for you :

grow the fuck up. you are far far far from perfect, and if you hurt someone or things fall through, they are allowed to react. you're trying to be godlike, which i find ammusing, because you, of all the people i know, is the least likely to pull such a thing off.

thanks. oh and no hard feelings, right ?

[also poorly typed. i blame wine and sleep deprivation]

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


there were so many fewer questions when stars were just the holes to heaven.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

one last cigarette.

wow, talk about an addiction i never though i would get. the things i would do for one more cigarette. so beautiful and yet so rotten. how tempting in so many ways. brings you one step closer to death, but it makes you feel just a little bit more alive. here are some beautiful DA pics of cigarettes.

kiss me.

when your lips collide with mine.
oh. when our breathes coincide.
oh. something about it baby.
nothing like it.
when u you bite me baby. oh.
when our tongues entwine.
when everything i was thinking of gets lets behind.
nothing like it baby.
when u tear away baby. and theres nothing left to say.
and u close your eyes and walk away.
and i know, baby.
our last kiss baby.
always stained on my mind. oh.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

skinny bitch.

id rather be dying to be thin than give up and get fat. i would rather support control to the brink of neurotism than lazyness to the brink of obesity. does this make me delirious? does this make me offensive? does this make me ignorant? i dont think so. its an equal of two evils. its my choice.


i cannot fathom life without a good book. its a dealbreaker for me. how could someone possibly be okay without some good literature snug on a shelf or on a bedside table?
my favourite books mean more to me that some of my friends do. its so easy to float into a dream world or escape into a better one when reading.
douglas adams has to be one of my favourite authors. another favourite book of mine of all time is the french children's story "the little prince". here are some lovely artworks and excerpts from both.

"Where are the people?" resumed the little prince at last. "It's a little lonely in the desert..."
"It is lonely when you're among people, too," said the snake.

"What makes the desert beautiful," says the little prince, "is that somewhere it hides a well."

All grown-ups were children first. (But few remember it).

Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.

It is such a secret place, the land of tears.

"`You know,' said Arthur, `it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die from asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young.'
`Why, what did she tell you?'
`I don't know, I didn't listen.'"

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.

Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the drug store, but that's just peanuts to space.

perfect ?

we all put up a fence, not to protect us, but to see who else could possibly be strong enough or witty enough to break it down. we hide behind a mask so that the world cant see it when we are vulnerable, and we cover up our tracks so that we have nothing to regret. but what happens when we want to break our own walls down? what happens when being lonely gets too lonely and we are so used to hiding from the truth we cant open up?

Monday, May 17, 2010


i have decided i would make a wonderful old person. i wish i lived in the sixties. to hell with feminism and the working world. i want to stay home and bake and knit and drink tea. modern society is bloody overrated. well. its late. i should be doing my uni homework but a bright pink box in my cupboard caught my eye. and well. i decided to bake some lovely little cuppycakes instead. napoleon can wait, its time for a midnight snack :)

Sunday, May 9, 2010


in the beginning the universe was created. this upset alot of people and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
- douglas adams.


when did someone wake up and say "ah ! we shall make the week seven days long, and we shall work all but two of those days! " and why did we all agree? im all for the three day long weekend.

come to think of it, who invented time, and why are we all so addament to follow it? perhaps it is 12.30 am now, but who decided that, and why do i have to follow it? i suppose its common interest or nothing would ever get done. but i would like some of this time i keep hearing about. seams like its all slipping away without a trace. think about it. how much time do we actually genuinely spend on ourselves these days? less the eight hours at work, less the two hours in traffic, less the six hours of sleep we are lucky to get, less the remainder of hours we spend making ourselves smarter to impress others, making ourselves look better to suit others, and the time we actually spend with others, really. whats left?


been away for a bit. writer's block. here are some delights for the meantime. not all are mine, because the camera i own is a dreadful old hunk of junk. new one soon? im hoping. xx


Saturday, April 3, 2010





eyes closed.
heart racing.
fingers crossed.
her innocence is all but


getting CLOSER.
not drifting a p a r t
she can feel him now.
somewhere in her


the -PrObLeM- with

you eventually
have to

and [dust] yourself off.
and examine the cuts.

she's stuck.

he's walking away now.

going going gone.

who's gunna help her UP ?

Sunday, February 7, 2010

politically correct.

in australian parliament, there is a room filled with pale men arguing profusely about extremely petty issues.

in south african parliament there is a room filled with dark men sleeping through discussions about extremely important issues.

its hard to consider which is worse.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

100 things. the Ultimate List

my list of 100 things to do, before i turn 25:)
inspired by the movie, The Bucket List, and also by the fact that everyone I have met that was in their thirties regretted not doing more in their twenties, I have decided to compile a list of 100 outrageous, mind boggling, interesting, adventurous and crazy things to do, before i turn 25. some of these things are on the list to push boundarys, to make me experience new and "out there" things, things I had always been too uncomfortable to do before. some things on this list may seen a bit erotic or sexual, but hey, you only look this good when you are young, so why not flaunt it before it sags? Most importantly though, the things on this list are things one should only do when they are young, carefree, and without contraints of grown-uppy ness. I will most definately try and do all 100 before the time lapse, and i shall try my best to document all of the events, as they occur, by either taking a pic, uploading a tweet, or asking you nicely to take my word for it ;) so here goes. to infinity and beyond !

1. learn to play the guitar
2. learn to surf
3. go back to the great barrier reef
4. ride a horse on the beach
5. dye my hair a bright colour. (okay not exactly a hard thing to do, but still takes guts)
6. sea- kayaking
7. quad biking
8. go to a proper Burlesque show

9. pose for a photographer. (im not saying I'll become a model. but I'd like to do this, because it means I will have to overcome insecurities about my body)
10. pose nude
11. shark cage diving
12. learn french
13. visit Versailles
14. spend an entire weekend partying, without sleeping
15. watch the sunrise

16.get my Honours Degree (not exactly fun, but hey education is important too)
17. go on another CONTIKI !
18. visit the Hollywood Boulevard
19. river rafting
20. visit sydney again
21. have a cocktail on the shore of Bali
22. turn off facebook, any IM network, and email, for an entire week
23. skinny dipping at midnight
24. bury a time capsule
25. vegas!

26. view new york from the empire states building
27. learn german
28. backpack through europe
29. go snow boarding
30. work on an island
31. visit Singapore
32. visit Japan and buy lots of kawaii things !
33. learn japanese
34. write a novel
35. swimming with the dolphins
36. ride the worlds biggest rollercoaster
37. dysney land
38. meet someone famous

39. kiss someone famous. preferably johnny depp. (haha okay, thats unlikely, so I made it quite a broad option instead)
40.visit the Kruger National park
41. buy a tequila for the winner of the next Jbay Billabong Pro i go to
42. go scuba diving
43. sing karaoke
44.visit Alice Springs and Uluru
45. Go to Hyatt Beach, supposedly the beach with the whitest sand on earth
46. spend a months pay check on something expensive. like Jimmy Choo's perhaps !
47. smoke a joint in jamaica
48. visit the red light district in amsterdam
49. Kiss someone in Ireland. (extra points if he looks like Gerard Butler)
50. sailing on a yacht
51. protest in a Green peace rally
52. get a petition signed to increase the laws against abuse offenders, because its insane how much those sicko's get away with
53. build an incredible sand castle
54. take a pole dancing lesson
55. ride on the banana boat again ;)
56. learn to skateboard
57. go on a hike. (this one is hard for me. i am against walking without an actual purpose. i also dislike bugs and grass and mudd.)
58. go camping
59. rent out a van and go on a road trip along the coast
60. send a message in a bottle. (make sure it wont polute the sea though. make sure it floats)
61. go skydiving !
62.go parasailing
63. visit mexico
64. ride a camel
65. visit the pyramids of egypt and see a mummy ! (preferably not one that has come back to life for revenge thanks)
66. visit the great wall of china
67. visit the 7 modern wonders of the world (one down, six to go)
68. get a tattoo
69. go sand boarding
70.break a world record

71.go streaking
72. donate blood
73. go abseiling
74.walk through a tropical rainforest
75. start my own magazine
76.stay in the penthouse suit of a hotel
77. get a tshirt from the hard rock cafe
78. visit the cook islands
79. fly in a vintage plain, like the Tiger Moth Biplane. and go for the extreme ride, not the scenic one
80. go on a hot air balloon
81. see the Kooks
82. draw my own comic book
83. sleep under the stars
84. order every dessert on a resturant menu. and eat it. even if it takes all evening
85. go to the melbourne cup, and dress up
86. ride an elephant at addo
87. last through an entire game of 100 club
88. sleep in a display bed
89. have a scavenger hunt a theme party
91. learn to drive a car
92. actually. learn to ride a bicycle. (yes, how tragic. i never learnt)
93. get top score at guitar hero
94. go water skiing
95. go jet- skiing
96. go on a cruise
97. design and make my own evening dress. (because if Jenny Humphrey can, so can i)
98. have a superlength tv series marathon. for 24hours straight. skins. how i met your mother.
99. put a down payment on my dream home
100. celebrate a 25th bday party like no other, knowing i completed my list :)

please note, i may extend this list to 150 things... because life is too short for limits. :)

ch- ch- changes

recently someone told me it was unfortunate i was unwilling to change. to grow. well, this got me thinking. the truth is, for so many years, all i have done is change. changed who i was to impress and be accepted. changed to be the perfect girlfriend, the perfect catch, the teacher's pet, the parent's favourite... but then one day i snapped. I realised it was time I became who I am, not who everyone else wanted me to be.

Does this mean I dont want to change? not particularily. It means that I'm going to take a break from change, and just embrace... me.

After all these years I've had becoming who I thought people wanted me to be, I haven't even a clue of who I would like myself to be. Who am I? the question everyone asks themselves at some point in their lives. well my answer is... I dont know. and thats thrilling. I am me, all my flaws included. and for the first time in a very long time, I am happy with that. I shall take the time to discover what makes me tick. whats seperates me from everyone else. what I want. and the reality of it is, if you have a problem with that, take a long hard look at who you are,take heed of your own flaws, and give me a break.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

the busstop chronicles

I'm sitting waiting for the bus to work, as usual, when I thought of something... I once read somewhere that all great idea's are thought of when you are walking. I disagree. I think all great ideas are created when you are waiting.
And if we keep speeding things up and making things faster, we won't have that spare moment of time to simply sit and daydream,
And perhaps all our thoughts and ideas will be lost.

People are so addament to make things faster, and yet, now more than ever we are always running out of time.

Maybe we should stop for a minute. Take in our surroundings and just think. About irrelevant things like the future and magic and so forth...

Anyway my bus is here.... More nonsense rants soon.

Monday, December 21, 2009

bang bang, you shot me down.

the best part is there will never be anyone else out there more perfect for you, than me.

the worst part is, the only thing you dont like about me is that im not anyone else.

i tried to change and i tried to stay the same. i said a million things, and i took them all back.

but im done trying now. im all worn out. you've won.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


on monday the australian prime minister, Kevin Rudd, sent out an official apology to all the Aboriginal and Torres Strait people, because of the atrocieties caused over the last century. (at the beginning of the 1900's australian officials would remove aboriginal children from their homes and place them under orphaned christian care, in order to teach them to adapt a westernised view on the world. they were never reunited with their parents.
although i am not australian and had not heard of this before, i was shocked. yes, it was aweful what they did, and the fact that it has taken them so long to apologize was even more appaling. but what struck me most is how the aboriginals delt with it, moved on with their lives and took the high road.

a similiar story is that of germany. only gaining full independance, in 1990 when the wall of berlin was destroyed, Germany has only been a democracy for a infant-like amount of time, and yet, even though they had to rebuild a war-torn, segregated, and stripped economy of a country, they managed to pull out of their own recession, lament the lost, and become one of the most peaceful and advanced european countries.

this begs me to ask. what about africa? sure, the racial issues carrying through since the times of settlers and slave trade will take more than a decade to sieze. sure, the third world economy and lack of skilled labour due to harsh indigenous education schemes, dubbed "ubuntu learning" will stunt any economic growth. certainly the times will only get worse before they can get better, as we have seen throughout history. but what about the hate? why so much still? surely the jewish community still living in germany do not blatantly murder and rob german familys out of hate?
i have never yet heard of any aboriginal hate crimes.

and yet, the south african "perviously disadvantaged" community will blatantly point their finger at any white man and shout "foe!"

i say this as a generalisation and i realise that it is not the case. i am not trying to create a divide racially in what i have written and by no intentions wish to offend anyone. but i am curious as to why the south african government can so objectively and publically destroy a minority race and the world turns their shoulder, pretending its justified.

i am 21 years old. i was 4 when apartheid finished, and i started school after. anyone in my class, regardless of their race, had the same advantages as myself. and yet my family and my livelihood, community and safety have been threatened because of something the people before me did.

i dont see it happenening in germany or australia, so why my home?

perhaps its because the mentality is still so simple and yet so incredibly proven countlessly by our leaders... - that one can only be rascist if they are white. as if.

in my opinion the racial devide in south africa is not because of past events, but because of a strong need to compensate for something. what, i dont know.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

we all learn to make mistakes...

hello! been a while. what can i say thats new?
i have discovered that if u warm tea up in the microwave it will never taste as nice.
i also learned how to bake the most incredible cupcakes.


notice the changes? this is because im doing what i always do when things get tough. i runaway and change everything. i dont like to be reminded of the past so i delete anything that reminds me of it. this includes my blog and other less important cyber networks i happen to exist in. in real life it means packing my bags again and finding somewhere new.

this time im not going very far... just a 14 day escape along the coast. but my motives arent what they seem. im going to see what the island, the Whitsundays, is like. its just off the coast of australia. if its accessable, im probably going to go live there sometime next year, and disapear off the face of the world for a little while.


im so tired of letting go it gets a bit hard. i feel like cassie on skins, when she ran away after chris died. (yer... im a little bit of a tv series whore, get used to it)

sometimes though, leaving and starting again is the best thing in the world. i wana come back one year with my past forgotten. iv made too many mistakes and its so easy to slip back into old habits if you dont keep check. so for now its sunglasses and a hat and incognito simple times.


now, where is my tequila sunrise??

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

vare vare ammusant.

several reasons my life is simply marvelous at the moment. (please note the serious levels of sarcasm)

1.its past midnight and instead of spooning someone gorgeous and warm, im sitting infront of my computer boring the cybertrons with my typing. said computer has a virus on it, so it keeps crashing too, or peculiar russian pop-ups about "erectile disfunction" appear. charming.
2.i have an essay due on "the odyssey" for next weekend. when i got the manuscript i thought there had been a mistake. i thought they had sent me some foreign translation. turns out it was actually just really dreadful old english.
3. im quite certain that there is a five dollar note lurking in my jeans pocket. but these jeans are somewhere in the midst of my cupboard, a place i dare not venture unless its an emergency.
4.last night i had a dream about facebook...
5... the dream i had before that was about the sims.
6. i spent alot of money having my hair done last week. stripped it, lightened it and had it coloured a honey colour. and NO ONE NOTICED! (might i also mention that my hairdresser is fully pregnant and extremely hormonal? vare vare ammusant. not!)

but all that being said. life is sweet:)