fake

Liner lines the lies.
Concealer conceals the creep.
Blusher boldens the blood.
Lipgloss for secrets u keep.
Polish poisons ur touch.
Porcelain death,Why do u tempt me so much?
Mascara murdering minds.
Shadow causes a stir..
Beneath that pretty face..
Is only a disgrace.
And a longing to be her.

old notes and past thoughts.

Lying under a thick duvet.even in the suburban heatwave. Feutal position. How ironic. Clenching the bedspread.eyes tight shut. Bite your lip. Even the bile in ur throat is a welcoming distraction. Its all the same. Pull the trigger,cut the veins,tighten the noose.its still ur blood that falls. Ur blood.ur own. Mistake mistake mistake. Fade away. Too sore to sleep.too tired to be awake. Deserve it deserve it. Mistake. One million judgemental voices.not a single helping hand. Vomit. Choke. Distraction. Mistake mistake. Demons hide amongst ur secrets.ur a filthy fuck between the sheets. Mistake. Was it worth it. Mistake. Judge. Pain pain. Fade away fade away.murderer. Mistake. Echoes thru ur mishaken mind. Sinner. Loser. Disgrace. Mistake mistake mistake. Gasp. Fade away fade away.

2.
Gone.
i wrote this little note.on blue lined paper, in pretty pink ink...

i folded it tightly, and sent it away...

but the post man lost it, on one strange rainy day...

and it floated in all the puddles and ponds and lakes...

til it drifted across the sea..

it clung to branches in foreign trees...

and was read in foreign tongues...
my little note

it dined with the finest princes,

and tried to stay warm with the poorest peasants...
it got swept away...

carried over battle grounds...

feilds of daisies...
until.
on ur door step,

my little note,stopped to rest.

weathered and faded.
and only three words.
i wonder if u read it?

for it hasnt yet returned,
my little note.

my last little note.

shelf life

an average friday night for the single girl. several hours consulting professional stylists (er... ur friends and an old dog eared cosmo), make up, primped, preened, lip glossed, heeled up and roaring. time to hit the clubs and pubs and parties, in search of "the one". it takes centuries of planning, perfecting queues, batting eyelashes until you spasm, before finally catching that lush guy at the other end of the bars' attention.
so the conversation starts flowing,(as does the wine...) and things get a little more comfortable. seems this fella is keen! score! he likes that quirky thing you do with your lips! he enjoys that offbeat movie you thought no one else had seen! he simply laughed with delight when you told him your hand-eye co-oridination was worse than a blind amputee. brilliant! and sooo your hopes are high and without even realising it, you start to plan ahead.
flash forward a week (or a month depending on how u play things)and this boy is infatuated. love. could it be?

and then something changes. all of a sudden those things you do start to annoy him. ur little quirks become serious pitfalls. he doesnt laugh so much as he scowls now....

heres the catch. it turns out that not only do we now face the chance that we may never find someone we connect with, but once we have, after all the mellowdrama that entails, we could still lose them, without doing anything wrong! not only do we have to attempt perfection when we meet someone, but it seams like these days, there's no letting your gaurd down.

we already have the pressure of finding someone out there that not only makes our tummy flutter, but that connects with us with regards to humour, life sense and in the bedroom;) and after all the time we spend finding this person, it leaves one with no guarantees. odds are likely in a years time all the things that make you who you are, the things this guy once couldnt get enough of, are now infact, the same things that repulse him.

perhaps in the long run its all worth it and makes us stronger blah blah but talk about pressure! so i think il be giving the whole dating scene a skip and enjoying all my little quirks,which i never grow tired of;)